Hard start is not a dead-end

Łucja was born in a family with a rather traditional approach to family roles and domestic duties. She believes that women were created to take care of others. Men represent strength and support. There was a moment in the history of her family that allowed them all to rethink about a few things. Łucja’s father cheated on her mother. For some time, Girl’s mother wasn’t able to cope with it. Finally, she reevaluates her life and changed her attitude toward her husband and obligations. She noticed that she also has the right to time only for herself. She is not the only one who can make dinner or clean up the household. Considering that she also workes a full-time job, she deserves a rest too. Due to the situation, her husband and the rest of the family took over some of the domestic duties, previously performed by Łucja’s mother, and she finally has time for rest and self-realization. 

What effect did it have on Łucja? She realized that nobody is perfect. All people make mistakes and there is nothing that can be done about it. The Girl’s boyfriend, Szymon, had a great impact on her too. When she met him, she discovered more positive features of herself and gained confidence. He helped her to see that she also had strengths and also is a valuable person. Before the relationship with Szymon, Łucja had observed her friends, and it always seemed to her that all boys were ashamed of their girlfriends in the company of their best mates. She did not like it very much and that’s why she was afraid of a new relationship. Surprisingly, it turned out that Szymon always treated her the same no matter whether they were alone or in the company of his friends. It helped Łucja build trust and engagement. The Girl believes that it is necessary to build a good relationship and take care of it every day. To talk about desires, problems, tender spots and everything that is important to us. Being in pre-marriage classes helped her understood what in her parents’ relation lacked. 

Łucja also believes that children from single-parent families have a harder start when it comes to “anchors”. You can’t experience an example of a strong and healthy relationship, learn this pattern and transfer it into your future life. Despite her start, which was not perfect, Łucja would love to have a very close-knit family. She would like her children and husband feel loved and safe. For her, it’s important to let them know that they always have her support. She would like them to know that family is something stable, where you can always come back no matter what is happening.

Based on Łucja’s story, you can see that a “hard start” is not a dead-end and doesn’t mean that we have no more chance of “anchoring”. Consciousness leads to exploration, and the exploration, hopefully, will lead us to wise and kind people who will help us to build our “anchors”. Even if we have never had a chance to start building one.